Back On Line

As I’m sure you have noticed, I have struggled getting back to posting on this blog.  The reason is not so much debilitating grief or tremendous time constraints.  I’ve struggled because I’m not sure where I want to go next.  I want to get back to the discussion on Christians in culture, but I feel that I have unfinished business regarding the recent passing of my father.  The trouble is that I do not know precisely what I want to share.  As you might imagine, so many thoughts and memories pass through one’s mind at the death of any loved one.

I have considered a life history of Dad – he lived through a fascinating time in history.  A few months prior to his death, I interviewed Dad and captured his life story on video.  I have a lot of material from which to draw many interesting posts.  I realized, however, that not all my readers would find the stories as fascinating as I do.

I have considered posting a paraphrase of the eulogy that I delivered to the friends and family that gathered for his funeral.  I did not write it verbatim, but I do have brief notes that I used.  From those notes, I could create a single post, but I would want to expand upon each point and develop more detail so those of you that never met Dad could better understand.

I have considered discussing his role as my father and spiritual mentor.  However, the multi-generational aspect of our Christian walk could not be adequately reviewed without starting a whole new blog with a more specific focus.  (I do plan to share my thoughts on multi-generational faithfulness in the future – either here or on another blog).

Finally, I have considered reviewing Dad’s virtues and how they impacted me.  This gesture would be intended to honor my father and hopefully be a beneficial reminder to all of us.  Like the other considerations, this idea is likely to take far longer than I would hope and would require putting off the cultural discussion.

I don’t know exactly what my next post will be, but I will continue to put off the culture discussion.  In spite of the difficulties with each of the above considerations, I feel a need to honor my father’s life and share what will likely be some strange combination of the above ideas.  I want to use this forum to think through all of the things that are in my head regarding Dad – and I must do it while they remain fresh and the emotions still somewhat raw.  I don’t want to move on just yet.

I am still grieving, but it is not debilitating.  There are feelings of sadness and tenderness and loneliness and even joy that I have found to be unique to losing a parent.  I want to explore them.  I want to put down in words for my children the many emotions that I am experiencing.  I want them to see their grandfather in a new way – as a legacy of glorifying the triune God to the best of his ability and to his last breath.

In Memoriam

Psalm 103

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits,

who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,

who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed.

He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel.

The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever.

He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.

For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field;

for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.

But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children,

to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments.

The LORD has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all.

Bless the LORD, O you his angels, you mighty ones who do his word, obeying the voice of his word!

Bless the LORD, all his hosts, his ministers, who do his will!

Bless the LORD, all his works, in all places of his dominion. Bless the LORD, O my soul

In Memoriam

James Cody

8/31/1916 ~ 10/8/2008

Interruptions and Milestones

Sometimes, our plans get interrupted. In spite of all our planning, God’s will occasionally takes us to places that cause us to rethink everything. I had planned to continue the discussion on Christians in Culture with this post, but the Lord had other plans.

I am writing this as I sit in a hospital room with my ailing father. In most ways, I am not surprised to be here. At 92 years of age, Father’s combined struggles with diabetes and multiple forms of cancer will soon be over. I cannot say when. He has surprised me before when I have expected the end to be imminent. I didn’t expect him to see his 90th birthday back in 2006. Just a few months ago, I was convinced that he wouldn’t live past 91. In both cases, he rebounded and left those of us that love him waiting for the next crisis.

Now, just a few short weeks from the anticipated delivery of his 11th grandchild, I am again wondering. His remaining time has become a series of milestones – birthdays, holidays, births and deaths. I am praying that he will be with us for the next milestone; that he will be able to see and hold the blessing that the Lord is preparing inside my wife’s womb.

Father is ready. His affairs are in order. He looks forward to the moment that he is reunited with my mother and meets his Savior face to face. Knowing that, I am comforted and I consider myself to be as prepared as a son can be to saying goodbye (for now) to his father.

Regardless of my hopes, the Lord’s plan will come about, and I pray my faith will be strong enough then that I will rejoice in the wisdom and sovereignty of my God.

Still, just one more milestone…